Twelve years after the first Black American was elected to the highest office in America, another Black American is elected to the second highest office in the land; Vice President of the United States of America. Although this is the second Black American, she is the first woman elected as Vice President. History was made all kinds of ways with the Election of 2020. This election was the rare unseating of an incumbent President. Jimmy Carter was a one term President defeated by Ronald Reagan in 1980. George W. Bush was a one term President defeated by Bill Clinton in 1992. The election of Joe Biden as President represents the oldest person to be elected President. The success of this male-female team conjures up previous attempts.

In 1984 Democratic presidential nominee Walter Mondale chose Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate. As duly noted, they were not successful. Geraldine Ferraro, however, was the first woman chosen to be on a major party ticket for President and Vice President. In 2008 Republican presidential nominee John McCain chose Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin to be his Vice-Presidential running mate. Once again, as duly noted, they were not successful. On a side note, this was the year that Joe Biden was elected Vice President and Barack Obama became the first Black President. In 2016 the roles were somewhat reversed. Hillary Clinton became the first woman to head a major party ticket for President. Her running mate was Senator Tim Kaine from the state of Virginia. Although this team won the popular vote by about three million votes, they lost the election in the Electoral College. There was also significant Russian interference assisting their opponent.

The year 2020 and we are still experiencing first. One hundred years after the Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution the first woman is elected Vice President of the United States of America. America is finally trying to advance with several other countries who have seen women heads-of-state. Great Britain has seen two women Prime Ministers. Nevertheless, Vice President Elect Kamala Harris will see her name added to a long list of first for women: Sandra Day O’Connor, first woman Supreme Court Justice; Madeleine Albright, first woman Secretary of State; Shirley Chisholm, first Black woman elected to Congress; Carol Moseley Braun, first Black woman elected to the Senate; and Hillary Clinton, first woman nominated to head a major party in a Presidential Election. Vice President Elect Harris’s election gives evidence that one must embrace the will of endurance for the longevity of struggle.

Anthony Neal earned his Ph.D. in political science at Atlanta University (now Clark Atlanta University). Dr. Neal is an associate professor at State University College, Buffalo. The author of numerous book reviews and journal articles, he has had his work published in the Western Journal of Black Studies, the Journal of Black Studies, and Black Issues in Higher Education. In 2014 Dr. Neal received the university's Faculty Appreciation Award, was named Instructor of the Year by the university's United Student Government, and Professor of the Year by the Student Political Society in the Department of Political Science. In 2015, he published The American Political Narrative which is a succinct yet poignant narrative about the development of the American political system and what is needed to maintain it.

Why would the widow of a former Republican Party Presidential nominee endorse and actively campaign for the current Republican President’s Democratic opposition? Why would a significant group of former Republican operatives form an organization for the sole purpose of defeating Donald Trump? Why would high profile Republicans come forward only to say that they are no longer members of the Republican Party come forward in this election only to proclaim that they are no longer Republicans and plan to vote for Joe Biden? Consider my next question. How disgusting is it for the President to campaign in Michigan and continue to castigate Governor Whitmer even after the FBI uncovers a White militia plot to kidnap her, to try her, and possibly kill her? When Trump became ill with Covid-19, Joe Biden pulled his negative television ads. How homicidal is it to continue to flaunt scientific guide lines and local ordinances in order to hold super spreader rallies with no mask requirements or social distancing? How can one call oneself the “law and order” candidate when refusing to abide by local rules and laws aimed at safeguarding their communities from high infectious coronavirus? How utterly dishonest is it to be before the Supreme Court attempting to end health insurance for 20 million Americans during a pandemic? How heartless is it to encourage Black Americans to vote for you when you openly support and encourage White supremacists, refuse to address police shootings of unarmed Black men and women, stop multicultural training in the federal government, end the census count early, and refuse to address a pandemic that is disproportionately killing Black and Brown Americans at an alarming rate. How can you be so shameless to even show your face in public when more than 220,000 people have died of an out of control virus that happening on your watch? In short, it is Biden time! All Trump does is add insult to injury because he thinks women and Black Americans are stupid. He does not want mass Black support. He only wants to peel away enough votes in certain areas to eek out an Electoral College victory knowing that more people will vote for Joe Biden in 2020 just as more people vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016.

I have seen Biden run for the presidency a few times. I have seen him come up short in the primaries. Biden was a candidate for President when Barack Obama ran for President. Apparently, Obama saw something that we had been missing all these election cycles. Again, when Biden was failing in the polls for the 2020 election, Jim Clyburn of South Carolina pointed out that Joe Biden knows us. One of biggest and potentially the most fatal false equivalencies is to say it does not matter who wins this election. People though like that in 2016. You cannot make me believe that this country would be in such poor condition if Hillary Clinton had been elected President. Trump is true to form. He inherits well only to destroy it all. Trump inherited a country that was in relatively good shape when Obama left it. Now look at us. America has almost become an international pariah under the presidency of Donald Trump. Trump spoke prophecy during his Inaugural Address when he spoke of American carnage. The carnage he spoke of in 2017 was the carnage to come during his presidency. In short, it is Biden Time!

I plan to vote for the Biden-Harris ticket. Ironically, it was Joe Biden who contributed to my leaving the Democratic Party. It was Kamala Harris who made me entertain the idea of rejoining the Democratic Party just so I could vote for her in the presidential primary here in New York state which a closed primary state. She ended her candidacy before the New York primary. As it pertains to Biden, he was duped by a Black charlatan by the name of Clarence Thomas who called his Supreme Court confirmation hearing “a high-tech lynching of a Black person who was willing to think for himself.” Thomas had made a living on denying race. He had moved up in the Republican Party by doing the same. Now, all of a sudden, when he was on the hot seat, race became important. Biden was chair of the Judiciary Committee. Democrats allowed Thomas to be confirmed. This was such a travesty because Thomas replaced Thurgood Marshall. The same thing is happening today with Barrett replacing Ginsburg. Barrett sang the praises of Ginsburg, while lying in wait to undo all her work once Barrett is confirmed to the Supreme Court. On the other hand, I do not hold it against Biden that he was duped by a Black charlatan. I was duped by a White charlatan. I used to watch “The Apprentice.” Simply stated, it is Biden time!

Anthony Neal earned his Ph.D. in political science at Atlanta University (now Clark Atlanta University). Dr. Neal is an associate professor at State University College, Buffalo. The author of numerous book reviews and journal articles, he has had his work published in the Western Journal of Black Studies, the Journal of Black Studies, and Black Issues in Higher Education. In 2014 Dr. Neal received the university's Faculty Appreciation Award, was named Instructor of the Year by the university's United Student Government, and Professor of the Year by the Student Political Society in the Department of Political Science. In 2015, he published The American Political Narrative which is a succinct yet poignant narrative about the development of the American political system and what is needed to maintain it.

Trayvon Martin was a young Black kid of about seventeen years old. He was also a fan of the NBA. One evening just before the start of the NBA All Star game, he decided to go to the corner store to purchase some tea and Skittles. He also thought to himself that he would talk to his friend while making this quick journey just before the game. While walking he would occasionally make a jester as if to be dribbling a basketball. In his mind he could also hear the roar of the crowd as he made his move like Kobe above the rim to dunk over the competition. As he fell to the floor blood began streaming from his chest. With one last gasp of breath he looked up wondering why the referee did not call a flagrant foul. Dreaming while Black has its consequences. Just as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In a poem, I once wrote, “Dreaming is a contagious, therefore, dangerous thing.”

George Floyd‘s younger daughter was only six years old at the time of his death. She will remember him. His legacy will grow up her and surround her like the sun. I am sure George Floyd dreamed of walking her down the aisle, footing the prom limousine bill, or just looked forward to hugging her one more time. He was aware of the police, but he had no vision of a knee on his neck. Dreams do not always come true. Sometimes dreams are deferred. Langston Hughes can tell you what happens to a deferred dream. James Taylor also empathizes with, “sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.” The world exploded with sadness in the wake of Mr. Floyd’s death. Black Live Matter became the movement of choice. With its multiracial configuration, things began to look as if some aspects of King’s Dream had come to fruition.

We are currently in a pandemic. Visiting my campus office, I noticed that according to my desk calendar, the last time I worked in my office was March 12, 2020. In Kentucky, Breonna Taylor and I were sharing a synchronous moment of synchronicity. We lie down to rest. We lie down to dream. We all share a childhood prayer, “If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Rest in peace Breonna. All those people you dreamed of making smile the next day will miss you. They told us that the police raided the wrong apartment. They told us that the person they were looking for was already in custody. Yet, as of yet, they still have not told us why. The American Dream has been defined as many different things. For Black People the American Dream has even been defined as a nightmare. We have learned that dreams do not always come true. On the other hand, sometimes dreams do come true.

There once was this little Black girl waiting on a school bus. How do I know this? She told us the story in a debate on stage before a live audience. She was challenging a man name Joe Biden for cooperating with White segregationists. Mirroring a poem by Langston Hughes, we can tell that she had almost forgotten her dream, but through pain and internal strength, she broke through the darkness and found her dream. Now she stands poised to become the first woman Vice President of the United States. From there, she could go on to become the first woman President of these United States.

Black people have a long bitter-sweet history between these shores of North America. But just like James Brown said, “We are people too. We like the birds and bees. But we’d rather die on our feet than keep living on our knees.” We, who are imperfect just like everyone else, are tasked with dreaming of “a more perfect Union.” The problem lies in the fact that our skin color has been given a political definition that imprisons the “content of our character.” We seek not to change the color of our skin. We only seek to set forth the true meaning of the color our skin which is aligned with the wealth of our character. Dreaming is a right. Dreaming should not be hazardous to one’s health. In America, dreaming is of such a necessity that one should not penalized for dreaming while Black.

Anthony Neal earned his Ph.D. in political science at Atlanta University (now Clark Atlanta University). Dr. Neal is an associate professor at State University College, Buffalo. The author of numerous book reviews and journal articles, he has had his work published in the Western Journal of Black Studies, the Journal of Black Studies, and Black Issues in Higher Education. In 2014 Dr. Neal received the university's Faculty Appreciation Award, was named Instructor of the Year by the university's United Student Government, and Professor of the Year by the Student Political Society in the Department of Political Science. In 2015, he published The American Political Narrative which is a succinct yet poignant narrative about the development of the American political system and what is needed to maintain it.

Excuse me for beginning an article riddled with clichés. But they all seem to apply at this juncture. Who are they going to get to play Chadwick Boseman? He was an excellent vessel to bring our heroes back to life. If you have lost someone, sometimes you wish you could see them, hold them, touch them, or hear their voice one more time. Allow me to ask this question again. Who are they going to get to play Chadwick Boseman? I want to know his story. I want to see his life portrayed on the big screen. His greatness sneaked up on me. I must have taken him for granted. I was eagerly waiting the sequel to “The Black Panther.” There had to be a sequel. Beyond the sequel, I just knew there would be the third movie. Star Wars came in three sets of three. The Lord of the Rings was a trilogy. Panther was certain to be a trilogy. Kobe Bryant died. He was forty-one. Clift Robinson died. He was 53. Ms. Taylor in Kentucky is no longer with us. Dr. King one, in a speech, stated that “like any one he would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place.” We would like to hold on to see the kids, grandkids, and the great grandkids. John Lewis let us know that a Black man can live a long life. His was a long and consistent career. Chadwick would have been great in the third installment. I would have gone to see the third installment. This pandemic would have been over by the third installment.

The irony for this situation for me is that I had always had a hard time remembering Chadwick Boseman’s name. Fame is a strange game. I know who starred in The Equalizer and The Equalizer II. That was Denzel Washington. I remembered Denzel Washington’s name every since Glory and Mo’ Better Blues. I had no problem remembering Samuel L. Jackson every since Jungle Fever and Pulp Fiction. Yet, when I heard of Chadwick Boseman’s death I knew immediately that he was the guy who played Jackie Robinson. He also played James Brown. He was also the guy who played Thurgood Marshall. Marshall was filmed right here in Buffalo and Western New York. That is why I say his greatness sneaked up on me. Joni Mitchell never lied about it. “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”

The scene that stayed with me the most from 42 is the locker room scene when Jackie Robinson just started punching the air in such rage and frustration. I identified totally with that scene. Paul Laurence Dunbar’s poem “We Wear the Mask” comes to mind. I can imagine Barack Obama doing the same. I can imagine Michelle Obama doing the same. On many occasions I have felt like doing the same. Watching Boseman’s James Brown was also like watching a documentary about Brown using actual footage. The movie opened with the most recent and crazed caricature of Brown as the world had come to see him in his advanced years. Yet, when one delves into Brown’s biography, one can witness some brutal times. One can discern what made Brown tough and what made his soul have so much depth. The scene from Get on Up that I found disturbing was when Whites blindfolded little Black boys and had then box by swinging blindly and hitting whatever they could. If Whites truly did that to little Black boys, then I can see a direct linage to the Trump Administration’s family separation policy at the along the southern border of the United States. We have come to learn that the cruelty of the policy is what was to serve as a deterrent to those who wanted to come to the United States in search of improving their life chances. I shall never forget the cruel of the boxing scene. I shall never forget the cruelty of the Trump Administration.

Chadwick Boseman did not play Clarence Thomas in a movie. That is understandable. Boseman played Thurgood Marshall. However, this movie had an interesting bent to it. The movie portrayed a pre-Brown v. Board of Education Marshall. Marshall, the brash attorney, was destined to bring about an end to separate but equal is constitutional. The most recent film that I have seen with Boseman in it is Spike Lee’s Da Five Bloods. The movie centers around the stories of Black veterans who make a return trip to Vietnam. Boseman played the heroic Lieutenant who saved the lives of his fellow soldiers. In reflecting on Da Five Bloods, I am reminded that as a poor Black youth living in the southern part of the United States, I came very close to having to serve in Vietnam. That reality gives one pause. That reality gives one the chills.

Chadwick Boseman, in the final analysis, played many significant roles. What Black person in the United States does not know who Thurgood Marshall was? Who does not know James Brown? Moreover, Jackie Robinson is one of the all-time greatest baseball players. Boseman played significant people. Chadwick Boseman was significant. He was a real-life king who played a king in the movies. Like Wakanda, his legacy shall last forever.

Anthony Neal earned his Ph.D. in political science at Atlanta University (now Clark Atlanta University). Dr. Neal is an associate professor at State University College, Buffalo. The author of numerous book reviews and journal articles, he has had his work published in the Western Journal of Black Studies, the Journal of Black Studies, and Black Issues in Higher Education. In 2014 Dr. Neal received the university's Faculty Appreciation Award, was named Instructor of the Year by the university's United Student Government, and Professor of the Year by the Student Political Society in the Department of Political Science. In 2015, he published The American Political Narrative which is a succinct yet poignant narrative about the development of the American political system and what is needed to maintain it.

You said: A lot of stuff went down with my wife. In time I may think about forgiving her but I seriously doubt I will ever forget it.

Response: Often, the words we choose uncover subconscious emotional attitudes about a subject or how we have chosen to deal with assaults to our overall functionality.

‘In time’ indicates you may think the decision to forgive is an exercisable option that you don’t have to extend until you are ready. Your statement of having ‘serious doubt’ creates the perception you have a proclivity to hold onto things. This further advances the case in point with, (paraphrase) “Even if I forgive, I will probably hold on by not forgetting it.”  Or, to say not forgetting gives you the option of bringing it up either verbally or emotionally when you feel like it warrants your or someone else’s attention. The danger of bringing it up or keeping what happened in the forefront is that it taints your level of trust and promotes dysfunctional relationships based upon a pre-existing condition.

I have to minister to you where you are before I can minister you into the place God has ordained for you. I’m not going to throw scripture at you. However, what I will do is provide scriptural references as a resource to assist the healing process. It is impossible to forgive without being healed first.

Your complete healing is tripartite through intellect, spirit, and emotion. The intellect struggles to sort things out by applying logic to what has happened. Your flesh conflicts with the spirit of God resisting submission to what is right. Emotions hinder acceptance of healing because of how you feel; whether it’s anger, betrayal, abandonment, or being wounded. By the power of His Spirit each component is dealt with as you are ushered into restoration through His word, bringing you back into a healthy state.

Are you supposed to act as if none of this deal happened? Nope. But that is not what to which the statement ‘to forgive and forget’ eludes. Let me work this backwards. It has been my experience the ‘forget’ part usually messes people up more than being able to forgive.

‘Forget about it’

To forget means to cease remembering or noticing .
Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary

God’s definition of forgetting is, "But I, yes I, am the one who takes care of your sins—that's what I do. I don't keep a list of your sins.” Isaiah 43:25 (MSG)

Pay particular attention to Matthew 18:23-35 to compare forgetting with not forgetting about it.

Debt forgiveness-have you ever had a debt forgiven? It was a debt you incurred but you weren’t required to pay it back. The calls stopped and from then on it was carried by the company as ‘uncollectible’ and written off. Forgetting uses the same principal-what was done isn’t erased, it’s just not brought up anymore-for real.

Forgiveness is personal

To forgive is to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).
Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary

It is especially difficult when our spouse does things that either puts your relationship with them in jeopardy or ultimately leads to its demise. You can play the blame game but it is unproductive and non-reconciliatory. The issue that warrants your most intense focus is what’s affected most by the offence; you, your wife, and most likely people you interact with.

Your connection or reconnection with God has to take precedence over any break in relationship with lasting adverse affects. You have to decide what you want and be willing to pay, unreservedly, how much it’s going to cost you to re-establish balance in your life. Putting on the garment of humility is a tight fit when you are swollen with anger, hurt or pride.

Forgiveness is Non-Negotiable

When we do not forgive, we have acquiesced to satan, and missed being in the will of God. You cannot say, “I’ll forgive as long as you meet the following conditions.” Sometimes we get in our minds we will be able to forgive if the person does what we require to make amends. We then accept the action as proof they are seriously committed and willing to change. Ah contraire, what you want is a work of the flesh, something to stroke your ego allowing you to dismiss the embarrassment of what has taken place. Forgiveness is not a half-hit. You can’t just forgive when it suits you. Either you have forgiven or not. It’s just that simple.

Forgiveness is Not a Decision You Get to Make
Matthew 18:21-22

Peter, before he became an apostle, asked Jesus how many times he should forgive. He thought he was very lenient by setting seven times to forgive a person as a standard of satisfaction for the Lord to accept. The Lord’s answer surprised Peter as he responded, “Not only must you forgive seven times but seventy times seven.”  It’s likely that Peter had an incredulous look upon his face as he heard these words and wondered silently, “Are you serious?”

I can imagine Peter figuring this out in his head. I know I did. That’s how the intellect works. Let’s see if this makes sense. Forgive someone four hundred and ninety times? Just say, a person messed with (or tormented) you that many times in a day. That would mean that every 2.9 minutes they would do something and you would only have 2.9 minutes to forgive them before they did something else. I might want to knock someone out by then. I know Peter would have! Your emotions are on the other end of the tug of war with your spirit. You have to decide who will win. This is where the Spirit has to be in residence and yielded to completely. It takes the power of God to help you to forgive even once.

Even if it were in a year, that means a person would do something to you every day and sometimes twice in a day. In theory, that is just one person. We both know that some days it seems as if everybody has an ax to grind. So now, here we are stuck on pause for way less than four hundred and ninety times in a day, year, or lifetime.

Alright, Jesus did not mean that you would have to forgive one person that many times. However, he was teaching that you must always be in a mode of forgiveness. You can’t snap angry and offended, deal with negative emotions, calm down to a place of peace, ask God to help you, receive release, and forgive in time for the next round.

The Lord never intended for us to hold onto things that eventually cause us to become bitter and result in spiritual death. The more we honestly yield to the will of the Father, the steps take less time eventually progressing to an instantaneous condition for forgiveness. Get through the steps. You must release forgiveness as soon as the offense occurs. If we don’t, forgiving in time may take a lifetime and wind up taking your spiritual life.

It doesn’t matter if no apology is forthcoming. The person may not even be in a remorseful state. They may be glad they did what they did and not care how it hurt you or destroyed your relationship. Holding on by not forgiving impales your movement for advancing in your relationship with God. When you do not forgive, the person, situation, or circumstance has you in a deadlock. You have given your power away. Take it back by releasing forgiveness!

Forgiveness is a Release from the Penalty of Our Sin
Matthew 18:23-35

Come now let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be white as wool. Isaiah 1:18 KJV

If God had not forgiven me, well I just don’t know. With all my mess up’s and unwise immature decisions, I know I didn’t deserve what He offered me in love. Still He said, “Don’t destroy the cluster for there’s a blessing in it.” Isaiah 65:8. He knows that He doesn’t have to keep reminding me of what He saved me from. I do that when I remember His mercy and grace towards me.

Is it possible that through you God’s love could be an effectual witness of His forgiveness? Think back to when God forgave you. As undeserving as we are, He loves us, forgives us, and accepts us. Wouldn’t you agree this may be an opportunity to exhibit the matchless, healing power of God as you victoriously forgive and forget - for real?

God Bless.

Lynne C. Parker, Vision Steward™ is founder and serves as CEO for IC4U - Intensive Care for You, Inc. This nonprofit is a para ministry for ministry and community leaders, their families, and teams offering all-inclusive options for self-care, stress management, and work-life balance.

Lynne has worked in the corporate sector as a trainer and in the nonprofit sector as an advocate for human rights. She has credentials in adult learning and has a MA in Psychology. She is a minister, consultant, and free-lance writer. Lynne is grateful that God allows her to serve His people with a forward-word as a writer and consummate orator for the kingdom.

For more information visit: www.ic4uinc.org

Dear Donald Trump,

It is 3 AM (GMT) this early Saturday Morning, May 30, as I follow developments regarding the nationwide protests currently being staged as a result of the brutal murder of George Floyd at the hands of your police officers.

Mr. President, certainly the scenes oozing out of downtown Atlanta are quite worrisome as similar scenes evolve across major cities in the United States of America. Truly the land of the free and the home of the brave has not lived up to its bill of rights and liberty as enshrined in the sacred scrolls of the Declaration of Independence.

As I watch protesters attack the CNN Headquarters in Atlanta, I see the anger and frustration of citizens of your great country across the political and racial divide, all clamoring for the justice that is promised in your nation's philosophical check book.

Alas! What is happening in America right now would be strange only to those who have no knowledge of the prophesies of the late Martin Luther King Junior who (57 years ago) boldly asserted the inconvenient truth as follows:

"When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men (My Lord), would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. (My Lord) Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked insufficient funds."

The Donald, it is your misfortune that today (more than ever before), the African race, is ready and eager to demand justice and equality. It falls within the period of your reign that the sons and daughters of the crowd solemnly assembled at the National Monument on that fateful day in 1963, when M.L.K. made that historic speech, stand ready and bold to demand that your federal reserves of justice honor that promissory note and no force on earth can stop this movement.

You have been eccentric, provocative and downright maliciously egocentric, but this is not the time to attempt any egomaniacal shenanigans. You must rise up to the occasion and answer to the call for justice to be delivered in the matter of George Floyd. Your country yearns for leadership and you have woefully failed to rise to the occasion amidst your government's shambolic approach to the current the COVID-19 pandemic.

Now, here comes another tragedy on your doorsteps seeking the right mix of legal and sociological answers that would heal and reunite the United States of America. Will you answer to this proverbial 3 A.M phone call that former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton warned all presidential aspirant about?

Whatever your answer to the foregoing query may be, you are better off doing some genuine soul-searching and broad-based consultation before you hit your Twitter handle.

In parting, Mr. President, I refer you to a warning posted to your office more than half a century ago; that mail was addressed to your office by no less an illumined soul than the reverend pastor of the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, "the price that America must pay for the continued oppression of the Negro and other minority groups is the price of its own destruction. (Yes, it is) For the hour is late. And the clock of destiny is ticking out. We must act now before it is too late."

Please accept the assurances of my highest consideration and esteem.

While there are several scenes that make the movie Love Actually inappropriate it does give some intriguing story lines. A painful one is the story of a married couple named Harry and Karen played by Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson. Karen figures out Harry has cheated on her and confronts him with an interesting question. She asks, “What would you do if you were in my position? Would you stay, knowing that your life would always be a little bit worse, or would you cut and run?”

That question is one any couple going through the pain of infidelity is forced to confront. It’s also easy to default to hopelessness about the relationship because the pain of betrayal cuts so deep. Many couples make immediate decisions based on the emotion of the moment, which can end the relationship or damage it even more. The emotions are valid, but while the short term appears bleak, what about the long term? Can a marriage survive an affair? Is getting over infidelity even possible? If so, how? Here are the answers to those questions.

Rebuilding a Great Marriage

Life won’t necessarily always be worse after an affair has occurred. In fact, it could possibly be better. When I say better I’m not saying that life will be easier, and I’m certainly not suggesting that having an affair is good for a marriage. However, it could be used to flush out the behaviors and attitudes that created an environment where an affair was desirable.

Most affairs occur because of a lack of communication. Couples will stop listening to one another or never listened in the first place. Nothing makes a person isolated like when they consistently feel unheard. There is an opportunity to air out all of the dysfunction and start over. The process of recovering from an affair can be like rebuilding a house that has been destroyed by an earthquake. You can redesign and rebuild it the way you want by getting rid of all of the unhealthy habits. The problem is the foundation is now cracked.

Repairing a Cracked Foundation

Great marriages are built on love and trust. When those are violated it creates a powerful break. Frankly, sometimes it creates a break that never fully heals. But even then that doesn’t mean all is lost. When there is complete remorse from the offending party and an offering of forgiveness and grace from the offended party, the process of healing begins. From that point, trust can be re-established.

In order for that to happen each person, particularly the one who cheated, has to live truthfully, honestly, and transparently day in and day out. The offender needs to be willing to discuss the affair in detail, not withholding any information the offended seeks. Everything must be put on the table. The goal should be to build a resume of reasons to be trusted again. The offended should be allowed to discuss the affair whenever and for how long they need. This may be for years. Forgiveness may need to work over time. However, forgiveness means the offended will no longer punish the offender for the affair or hold it against them.

Choosing Hope

Both husband and wife need to commit to achieving the best possible outcome as a couple. A decision has to be made to hope for what the marriage could be with hard work instead of despair and divorce. Each person needs to fight for their spouse and the marriage. Optimism for the future has to be the focus and it must be protected. The couple must have faith that a great marriage is achievable. Disbelief and hopelessness are unwelcome.

Finding Objective Help

All marriages need wisdom, insight, and encouragement, but particularly marriages in crisis. First, the marriage most likely got to where it is because of dysfunction below the surface. An objective, outside point of view is helpful to identify the trouble spots and challenge the couple to change. This can come in the form of professional counseling and/or mentors. They also need to surround themselves with people who will support them to reach the marriage they hope to reach – people who will help them remember that a thriving relationship is possible.

SOUND OFF

What do you think it takes for a marriage to survive infidelity?

Everyone I meet these days seems to have one predominant thing going on. They’re busy. Busy with this, busy with that; it’s almost as if there isn’t an end. It is extraordinary the amount of things we need to do these days! “I need to get Grandma a birthday card,” “I’m dreading that phone call with my client,” or “Targets been calling my name: paper towels, toothpaste, baby food…” and I can’t help but think about my own mental task list each time I talk to someone who is telling me about their own. I find myself beginning to get bogged down by their list.

Why is that?

Let us explore some of the thoughts behind why your mental task list keeps pausing on the very thing you’ve been procrastinating on. We’ll use the abovementioned Target trip as our example. You may be dreading driving to Target because it is all the way across town, because it adds another 30 minutes to your day when you have already worked, and picked up the kids, and are thinking about dinner, and all you want to do is get home so you can relax. So then you procrastinate and you feel stress, maybe even anxiety. In that split moment when you need to decide what way your going to drive your vehicle (one way heads towards home, and the other towards Target), you turn your car towards the place that always calls your name. Home. Where you feel peace. And so the cycle of procrastination continues. It’s what I call the proverbial speed bump.

Drivers Education taught us that we needed to slow down, we aught to ease the car over the bump after having reduced our speed significantly in the approach. When you don’t, your car jostles you with all sorts of forces as you careen down the street. I don’t know about you, but I for one always feel a bit shaken after I’ve failed to slow down at the speed bump as much as I should have.

Shifting gears, for some reason or another, we humans procrastinate. There are all sorts of reasons why, none of which matters in the context of what we are discussing here. Procrastination is the speed bump to our mental task list. It makes us feel that there is no way to get through the end of the never-ending list, because there is always that one thing you are dreading doing.

Back to the speed bump. Ask yourself; do you dread slowing down for speed bumps? Ever? Honestly? I’d bet if you dug deep enough, you’d admit to yourself that you do. Why is that? It’s because you have to slow your momentum.

When we slow our momentum, we feel fatigued, and sometimes tend to just give up. We may rationale in our mind as to why this particular task can wait one more day. Distraction over here, distraction over there. And then we avoid, and procrastinate some more. As we do this, we spend a lot of energy in our thoughts, and they all slowly build up for what is really only one little bump.

I’m going to tell you about a life lesson that can be applied all over the place. There are necessary evils in life. There are things that are just generally accepted among us that cause us to pause. But they just need to get done. For example, the long line at the Walgreens pharmacy. We can complain loudly and look furiously for the manager to complain, but that doesn’t get us what we need any faster. When our turn finally arrives, and we’ve got our bag in tow, it feels so freeing to flee the patience we just had to endure. And we speed up, and move about our day. Necessary evil.

So all of this leads up to one thing. The speed bump. The easiest way to create the most momentum at the beginning of our day is to tackle the speed bump. Do what you’ve been dreading as quickly as possible, and cross that bridge to freedom. Do not spend any more time and energy thinking about ways to continue to avoid it. It’s a necessary evil, a widely accepted part of life. If you tackle your speed bump with patience and steadfastness, you sail through the rest of the road. You free up your pathway to the rest of the road of life.

About the author:

Alton originates from Hopewell, a small town in Central Virginia. Throughout his life he faced numerous obstacles and challenges; however, he has developed the principle that he is bigger and better than his environment.

He obtained his Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering and started a number of organizations while attending Old Dominion University and was recognized in Who’s Who Among Students in American Universities and Colleges. Alton was a successful engineer in Corporate America with Northrop Grumman and United Parcel Services (UPS), before transitioning to become a full time professional speaker and entrepreneur. He obtained his Master of Arts in Practical Theology from Regent University. While attending Regent University, he completed his courses to become a certified Life and Success Coach through Transformational Leadership Coaching.

For more about Alton, visit his website @ www.altonjamison.com.

Every year I realize more and more that life is a journey and not a race. We all have goals and dreams that we would like to accomplish and destinations that we would like to go. Some of us also have a bucket list or a list of things that we would like to do before we die. Overall there are moments in life that are truly milestones or markers for the end of one season and the beginning of another. Some are extreme highs and others are extreme lows. Whatever they are, we all experience them at different points in the journey that we call life and many times they redefine and revolutionize life as we know it.

As a child there are developmental milestones that are key in our development to adulthood. As an infant, from birth to 1 years of age, we get our first tooth, roll over by ourselves, and say “mama” or ”dada.” As a toddler, from 1 to 3 years of age, we are able to feed ourselves, able to say our first and last name, and recognize and label colors appropriately. As a Preschooler, from 3 to 6 years of age, we are able to draw a circle or square, recognize written words, start reading, and start school. As a school-aged child, from 6 to 12 years of age, we begin to lose our “baby” teeth and get permanent teeth, puberty begins, and reading and comprehension skills develop further. As an adolescent, from 12 to 18 years of age, we mature to our adult height and weight, relationships among peers of the same and opposite develop are very important, and we understand abstract concepts.

From 18 to adulthood, we constantly grow and evolve. We further our education to self teachings, and higher education, we mature in our relationships by getting in relationships, marriage, having children, buying property, traveling, moving to different places, and our bodies age. These are the milestones or significant events in our life that shape us, break us, motivate us, enlighten us, frighten us, and promote us to the phenomenal people that we are.

Jesus Christ also had milestones in his life here on earth. Although his life was short, we all chart the story of his life through the gospels. However, there are five major milestones in the narrative of the life of Jesus. They are his baptism, transfiguration, crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension. John the Baptist baptized Jesus. After his baptism, the heavens opened up and John saw the Spirit of God descend from heaven like a dove and it settled on Jesus and GOD declared that Jesus was his son and that he was well pleased with him (Matthew 3:13-17). The baptism of Jesus marked the beginning of his public ministry.

The transfiguration of Jesus occurred just a few days after Jesus told his disciples that he was going to die (Matthew 16:21). During the transfiguration, Jesus appeared to his disciples with an indescribable manifestation of light, which will be His when he reigns as King in days to come. (Mark 9:2-13). He transformed into the glorious being that he is which reinforced the staggering faith of his disciples. The crucifixion and resurrection are the most well known milestones in Jesus’s life. During the crucifixion, Jesus was beaten and hung on a cross. By him sacrificing his life, he died for all of our sins, so that we all could be saved and have eternal life (Matthew 27:32-56). After Christ died, he was put in a tomb, and 3 days after he was resurrected. The resurrection of Jesus Christ demonstrated Jesus’ victory over sin and also over death. Jesus did not remain in the grave, but arose with a glorified body containing the fullness of GOD’s own nature. Forty days later the ascension occurred. Jesus ascended to heaven, where he is sitting today at the right side of His Father (Philippians 2:5-11; Colossians 2:9). He rose from the dead.

Jesus had a mission and purpose in life, and as he journeyed through his life on earth those milestones were pivotal to his development and his purpose. Just like the milestones of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, our milestones are necessary to grow and develop. We celebrate them all for making us unique and effective. So as you journey, recognize the milestones, strive for excellence in all you do, and impart the knowledge and wisdom that you have learned along the way to help someone who is on their unique journey. You never know what your story or testimony can do to enlighten and empower your brother or sister.

Most of us have done things in our lives of which we may not be proud. Unfortunately, sometimes our past mistakes have a way of showing up in our current situations and limiting the options that may be available to us. Our past mistakes, including poor grades in school, dropping out of school, being incarcerated, poor work ethic, etc. can be barriers to securing a job in the present. However, there are ways that you can overcome these challenges and break through the barriers.

To help us understand this principle, I would like to refer to a bible passage found in Luke 5:17-25 to draw some principles that will help you in your efforts of breaking through the barriers. In this particular passage of scripture, we read the account of a paralyzed man who was carried by four men into the presence of Jesus. Along the journey, they encountered several barriers that delayed them from getting to their destination. The good news is that delays do not have to be denials. It simply will require persistence and dedication, but the destination can still be achieved.

In the ensuing paragraphs, I will share a few principles that can be extracted from this story to encourage you in your pursuit.

MOVE BEYOND THE CROWD

As these four men and the paralyzed man attempted to get close to the house in which Jesus was ministering, they encountered a crowd of people that blocked the entry way. However, they did not get discouraged by the multitude of people that were around them. They continued past the crowd. The principle here is, “Do not get discouraged by the crowd of people that block your way to your destination. You simply have to keep on moving beyond the crowd!”

The crowd could represent those who are in search of the same opportunities you are trying to achieve. It’s a tough job market and many others are looking for prospects for which there is only a limited supply. You have to be willing to make a move and go beyond the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out from the crowd. This could include ensuring that you present yourself well before, during and after the interview. Draft a cover letter that conveys the benefits that you will bring to the organization. Ensure that you are dressed well when you attend the interview. Send a follow up “thank you” to all those with whom you interviewed. Make yourself standout from the crowd.

In the crowd were Pharisees and Sadducees, who were considered to be the ruling class of Israel at the time. They were politicians and created many of the rules. Therefore, the crowd could also represent those who enact laws that create red tape in your search for a job. Do not allow the red tape to become an excuse! Again, you have to be tenacious in your pursuit and move beyond the crowd; move beyond the red tape. If at first you don’t succeed, keep on moving and try again!

DON’T CONFORM TO THE CROWD

This paralyzed man and his friends could have stopped at the door and hung out outside the house just like the rest of the crowd. The second principle is, “Do not conform to the habits of the others. Do not be a follower.”

This paralyzed man could have chosen to do what others who were in the same or similar situation as he was. Often times because of the mistakes of their past, those with felony conviction will choose to return to “hanging out” and conform to the crowd. Even when others choose to do illegal or unproductive things because of the difficulty they have in finding employment, you can choose to not conform to the crowd. Choose to be a leader, rather than a follower!

BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR OWN DESTINY

The paralyzed man could have remained comfortable lying around and accepting whatever handouts he received from others. But, he sought to make a change in his life. Principle number three is, “Do not become lazy or comfortable with what others are willing to hand to you!”

Yes, it is acceptable to receive assistance from others, but you must be willing to put in the work to personally do something about your situation. Do not be comfortable just lying around on your couch. Even when others do not want to do for you, you have to take responsibility for your own destiny. The truth of the matter is, you are at least partially responsible for your mistakes, but you have to be completely responsible for changing your destiny.

UTILIZE THE NETWORK OF PEOPLE AROUND YOU

This paralyzed man was down, but he had four others who were willing to assist in lifting him up. The paralyzed man did not reject assistance from the four men who were willing to carry him. Principle number four, “Be willing to accept assistance from those who are willing to help you UP!”

Often times, we allow our pride to stand in the way of receiving assistance from others. This type of help is not considered a handout, but a hand up. The carrying of this paralyzed man is an indication of them supporting him when he was down. The lifting of him is symbolic of them encouraging him. Allow others to support and encourage and support you as you make the journey of breaking through the barriers. Moreover, sometimes support and encouragement may come in the form of correction. Be willing to receive correction from those who want the best for you!

ELEVATE YOUR GOALS

When these four men and the paralyzed man set out for the house, their initial expectation was simply to get through the door of the house. However, when they ran into the crowd of people, they had to change their plans and elevated their goal from the door to the roof of the house. The fifth principle is, “When you run into barriers, instead of allowing them to immobilize you, be willing to not only change your initial expectation, but elevate your thinking. Aim higher!”

If you initially only wanted to get a job, you may need to elevate your goal. Instead of just finding a job, consider starting your own business! You could become a motivational speaker or an author; share lessons that you may have learned with others. When others deny you opportunities, create your own! Evaluate your skills and talents and determine how you can turn them into revenue generating opportunities.

By creating your own opportunities, this will not only allow you to be a blessing to yourself, but it may open the door for you to be a blessing to others who are in a similar position. Be willing to carry and lift others, just as others may have done for you in the past.

BE WILLING TO LEARN NEW THINGS

This paralyzed man could not walk, but he did not allow the challenge to keep him down. Principle number six, “Be willing to learn things that you have never done before!” Get enrolled in school. If you didn’t finish high school, identify a community program in which you can earn your GED. After you have achieved that hurdle, even if college is not your thing, choose another avenue, including technical or trade school. Seek out mentors who may be willing to invest that time, talent and possibly their treasures in assisting you in reaching the next level.

ALLOW YOUR PROGRESS TO SPEAK FOR ITSELF

After the paralyzed man had been healed, he got up and went home. He went back to the place of those who knew him the best. He didn’t have to talk about the change that he had made, because others were able to see the change. Principle number seven, “Allow your progress to speak for itself.”

Often times, we talk about progress and making changes, but we don’t live up to our words. Do not just talk about it; actually be about it. Breaking through the barriers of your past, can be a great testimony and encouragement to others.

Summary

If you have made a mistake in your past, you are not alone. Most, if not all of us, have done things of which we are not proud. It is a reality that every decision has a consequence. The consequence of some of our decisions may make our future options more difficult, but definitely not impossible. You have the ability to break through the barriers, but you must have the tenacity to not give up and to move

Caryl R. West, MBA is a Human Resource Professional and Financial Executive with demonstrated abilities in strategic and project management. He is familiar with all aspects of human resource management, including policy development, recruitment, employee relations, performance management, compensation, benefits administration, payroll, organizational development and training. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Accounting from Indiana University and an MBA with a concentration in Human Resource Management from Indiana Wesleyan University.

Most of us have done things in our lives of which we may not be proud. Unfortunately, sometimes our past mistakes have a way of showing up in our current situations and limiting the options that may be available to us. Our past mistakes, including poor grades in school, dropping out of school, being incarcerated, poor work ethic, etc. can be barriers to securing a job in the present. However, there are ways that you can overcome these challenges and break through the barriers.

To help us understand this principle, I would like to refer to a bible passage found in Luke 5:17-25 to draw some principles that will help you in your efforts of breaking through the barriers. In this particular passage of scripture, we read the account of a paralyzed man who was carried by four men into the presence of Jesus. Along the journey, they encountered several barriers that delayed them from getting to their destination. The good news is that delays do not have to be denials. It simply will require persistence and dedication, but the destination can still be achieved.

In the ensuing paragraphs, I will share a few principles that can be extracted from this story to encourage you in your pursuit.

MOVE BEYOND THE CROWD

As these four men and the paralyzed man attempted to get close to the house in which Jesus was ministering, they encountered a crowd of people that blocked the entry way. However, they did not get discouraged by the multitude of people that were around them. They continued past the crowd. The principle here is, “Do not get discouraged by the crowd of people that block your way to your destination. You simply have to keep on moving beyond the crowd!”

The crowd could represent those who are in search of the same opportunities you are trying to achieve. It’s a tough job market and many others are looking for prospects for which there is only a limited supply. You have to be willing to make a move and go beyond the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out from the crowd. This could include ensuring that you present yourself well before, during and after the interview. Draft a cover letter that conveys the benefits that you will bring to the organization. Ensure that you are dressed well when you attend the interview. Send a follow up “thank you” to all those with whom you interviewed. Make yourself standout from the crowd.

In the crowd were Pharisees and Sadducees, who were considered to be the ruling class of Israel at the time. They were politicians and created many of the rules. Therefore, the crowd could also represent those who enact laws that create red tape in your search for a job. Do not allow the red tape to become an excuse! Again, you have to be tenacious in your pursuit and move beyond the crowd; move beyond the red tape. If at first you don’t succeed, keep on moving and try again!

DON’T CONFORM TO THE CROWD

This paralyzed man and his friends could have stopped at the door and hung out outside the house just like the rest of the crowd. The second principle is, “Do not conform to the habits of the others. Do not be a follower.”

This paralyzed man could have chosen to do what others who were in the same or similar situation as he was. Often times because of the mistakes of their past, those with felony conviction will choose to return to “hanging out” and conform to the crowd. Even when others choose to do illegal or unproductive things because of the difficulty they have in finding employment, you can choose to not conform to the crowd. Choose to be a leader, rather than a follower!

BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR OWN DESTINY

The paralyzed man could have remained comfortable lying around and accepting whatever handouts he received from others. But, he sought to make a change in his life. Principle number three is, “Do not become lazy or comfortable with what others are willing to hand to you!”

Yes, it is acceptable to receive assistance from others, but you must be willing to put in the work to personally do something about your situation. Do not be comfortable just lying around on your couch. Even when others do not want to do for you, you have to take responsibility for your own destiny. The truth of the matter is, you are at least partially responsible for your mistakes, but you have to be completely responsible for changing your destiny.

UTILIZE THE NETWORK OF PEOPLE AROUND YOU

This paralyzed man was down, but he had four others who were willing to assist in lifting him up. The paralyzed man did not reject assistance from the four men who were willing to carry him. Principle number four, “Be willing to accept assistance from those who are willing to help you UP!”

Often times, we allow our pride to stand in the way of receiving assistance from others. This type of help is not considered a handout, but a hand up. The carrying of this paralyzed man is an indication of them supporting him when he was down. The lifting of him is symbolic of them encouraging him. Allow others to support and encourage and support you as you make the journey of breaking through the barriers. Moreover, sometimes support and encouragement may come in the form of correction. Be willing to receive correction from those who want the best for you!

ELEVATE YOUR GOALS

When these four men and the paralyzed man set out for the house, their initial expectation was simply to get through the door of the house. However, when they ran into the crowd of people, they had to change their plans and elevated their goal from the door to the roof of the house. The fifth principle is, “When you run into barriers, instead of allowing them to immobilize you, be willing to not only change your initial expectation, but elevate your thinking. Aim higher!”

If you initially only wanted to get a job, you may need to elevate your goal. Instead of just finding a job, consider starting your own business! You could become a motivational speaker or an author; share lessons that you may have learned with others. When others deny you opportunities, create your own! Evaluate your skills and talents and determine how you can turn them into revenue generating opportunities.

By creating your own opportunities, this will not only allow you to be a blessing to yourself, but it may open the door for you to be a blessing to others who are in a similar position. Be willing to carry and lift others, just as others may have done for you in the past.

BE WILLING TO LEARN NEW THINGS

This paralyzed man could not walk, but he did not allow the challenge to keep him down. Principle number six, “Be willing to learn things that you have never done before!” Get enrolled in school. If you didn’t finish high school, identify a community program in which you can earn your GED. After you have achieved that hurdle, even if college is not your thing, choose another avenue, including technical or trade school. Seek out mentors who may be willing to invest that time, talent and possibly their treasures in assisting you in reaching the next level.

ALLOW YOUR PROGRESS TO SPEAK FOR ITSELF

After the paralyzed man had been healed, he got up and went home. He went back to the place of those who knew him the best. He didn’t have to talk about the change that he had made, because others were able to see the change. Principle number seven, “Allow your progress to speak for itself.”

Often times, we talk about progress and making changes, but we don’t live up to our words. Do not just talk about it; actually be about it. Breaking through the barriers of your past, can be a great testimony and encouragement to others.

Summary

If you have made a mistake in your past, you are not alone. Most, if not all of us, have done things of which we are not proud. It is a reality that every decision has a consequence. The consequence of some of our decisions may make our future options more difficult, but definitely not impossible. You have the ability to break through the barriers, but you must have the tenacity to not give up and to move Despite lifelong periods of sadness, excessive drinking, and social withdrawal, Stephen Akinduro had little inkling that he was depressed and never connected his symptoms to his risky behavior. So Akinduro, a trained pharmacist, didn't seek therapy until his sexual promiscuity and pornography addiction began to confound his life and finances. I just wanted a quick fix for my behavior, a set of rules and guidelines on how to behave so I could feel normal, the 38-year-old Columbus, Georgia, resident recalls.

His therapist probed into his childhood and eventually revealed the root of Akinduro's depression. When he was 8, his mother committed suicide after enduring years of abuse from his father. Akinduro witnessed the abuse. I never cried at my mother's funeral. My father told me 'big boys don't cry' and I sucked it in.

For Akinduro, a depressive episode that would spiral into a catastrophe could be triggered by a relationship breakup or a challenge at work. But like many sufferers he had learned to mask his depression. One supervisor suspected his secret after a heated verbal exchange at work that followed a co-worker's racially insensitive remark. "I was shocked that he picked up on it but I didn't want to share my problems with a stranger, says Akinduro, who was eventually told he had bipolar disorder.

Akinduro is one of the roughly 14 million Americans who suffer from a form of depression each year. The disorder is characterized by mood fluctuations, low self-attitude, and five or more symptoms that persist for at least two weeks. These include mood disturbances, difficulty concentrating, psycho-motor retardation (slowing down of function), inexplicable crying, irritability, feelings of impending doom, lack of interest in leisure activities, decreased libido, and social withdrawal. Sufferers may also experience polar behavior such as lack of appetite or overeating and constant sleeping or sleeplessness. Bipolar individuals may engage in high-risk sexual activity. If symptoms persist, they can drive sufferers to commit suicide.

Depression is more intense than the normal feelings of sadness or loneliness that everyone experiences occasionally. It is also different from the grief experienced within two months of the loss of a loved one. Major depression, also called clinical depression and one of the most common forms, decreases quality of life, impairs mental acuity and occupational and emotional functioning, and robs sufferers of experiencing their full potential. Usually precipitated by a traumatic life event or other trigger, an episode of clinical depression may occur only once in a person's lifetime. But more often, it is a persistent, ongoing experience, with episodes that last for up to two years and that worsen without treatment. Women are more likely to suffer from depression, but men have a higher rate of completed suicide. Although whites experience major depression more than blacks over their lifetimes, it tends to be pervasive and more debilitating for blacks, according to a two-year joint study by Harvard, Wayne State University, and the University of Michigan. Successful treatment is challenging because of blacks' reluctance to take medication. What's more, while it's obvious that depressive conditions affect temperament and disposition, it's not widely known that these conditions directly impact hormonal functions including the regulation of blood pressure and glucose levels. Ignoring signs of depression could affect your health in ways you might have never imagined.

A Devastating Condition for Blacks

Chronic depression and bipolar disorder are two well-known forms of depression. Also called dysthymia, chronic depression is characterized by two years or more of a depressed mood. Less severe than major depression, it does not typically interfere with an individual's life. Bipolar disorder, or manic depression, is a complex mood disorder that alternates between periods of clinical depression and those of extreme elation or mania. With bipolar 1 disorder, sufferers have a history of at least one manic episode with or without major depressive episodes. With bipolar 2 disorder, sufferers have a history of at least one episode of major depression and at least one mildly elated episode.

Depression in Blacks is often masked by other issues and as a result may go unacknowledged and untreated for a long time. Stymied by fear of stigmatization, mistrust of health professionals, financial constraints, and the lack of access to appropriate healthcare, blacks tend to quietly carry the burden of depression. Causes of depression can be complex and multilayered-directly related to past personal challenges and/or compounded by collective experiences related to racially tinged slights and discriminatory acts. As a result, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, depressive disorders are less likely to be diagnosed in black people. The 2001-2003 Harvard, Wayne State, and Michigan study-one of the largest psychiatric epidemiological studies of blacks in the United States to date-indicates that of the 3,570 African Americans surveyed, 10.4% suffered from major depression over their lifetimes and 56.5% suffered from it for 12 months within their lifetimes. For the 1,621 Caribbean blacks surveyed, those numbers were 12.9% and 56%, respectively.

These percentages are compounded by the fact that black people manifest specific symptoms that are often misunderstood, ignored, or misdiagnosed, suggests Dr. Patricia Newton, medical director of Baltimore-based Newton & Associates, which specializes in behavioral medicine. Blacks are more likely to be socially withdrawn, and experience guilt and paranoia and internalize blame for whatever went wrong, explains Newton, who is also president-elect of Black Psychiatrists Of America. Workplace and personal conflicts can also fuel dramatic events and reactions, which often manifest in the form of anger and/or addiction.

The Problem with Being the 'Problem Solver'

This was a reality for Jennifer Jones, 45, who was fired from her position as director of community relations at a New York cooperative development in December 2006. Refusing the company's settlement changed her status to a voluntary resignation, which prevented her from collecting unemployment.

I was angry and humiliated, says the married mother of two, who was told she had clinical depression. After eight years, all my efforts and programs I'd created all went down the tubes. Over the course of nearly two years, the formerly two-income family went into a financial tailspin. The couple depleted their savings and took their daughters, one in college, out of private schools. They traded in two cars for one and moved from their Princeton, New Jersey, home to a relatively small apartment in the New York City area to be closer to family. Feelings of disgrace because of the lack of viable employment opportunities and the stress of her family's upheaval took a toll on Jones. She became a virtual recluse, sleeping constantly, overeating, and eventually ceasing most of the functions of daily living, including the care of her younger daughter. Her husband helped pick up the slack. With no history of mental illness, Jones was convinced the low feelings would recede over time. I was told to pick myself up and count my blessings," she recalls. I've always been the go-to problem solver for my family. It was impossible to believe I couldn't help myself.

Like Jones, some sufferers believe that they're imagining the severity of symptoms and that eventually they will be able to pray or will the sadness or behavior away. Donna Holland Barnes Ph.D., president and co-founder of National Organization of People of Color Against Suicide, says, Lack of communication helps to deepen depression, because symptoms are misunderstood and therefore go untreated. Black men are less likely than women to seek help, Barnes adds. They are less likely to comply with treatment and less likely to stay in treatment if they start it.

Medication can both manage a depressive condition and cause other challenges, such as weight gain or impotence, explains Newton, who does not oppose the use of medication. Understandably, patients are reluctant to take [their medicine], which perpetuates the cycle. Akinduro is on medication, but it took three or four tries to find one that worked for him without side effects. Jones is reluctant to try it and prefers sessions with a therapist, which has worked for her, but in some cases psychotherapy is not enough.

The Physical Toll

Although many suffer in silence, the effects of depression are never felt in isolation. Aside from the variety of burdens it may place on the family of a sufferer, depression cost the U.S. about $83 billion because of decreased productivity and workplace absenteeism in 2000, the latest year for which numbers are available. There are other health costs as well. Depression has been linked to heart disease and stroke, which are major health concerns for African Americans. Changes in appetite and sleep patterns, root symptoms of depression, are linked to the hypothalamus, a small structure located at the base of the brain responsible for many basic functions such as sex drive and stress reaction. The hypothalamus also supports the function of the pituitary gland, which in turn regulates key hormones. Abnormalities of pituitary function are related to increased levels of the hormone cortisol, which is related to blood sugar imbalances, and to the hormone catecholamine, which is related to blood pressure changes. Depression causes impaired cognitive performance, lowered immunity, and inflammatory responses in the body.

The Process of Healing

Depression is treatable with the help of a qualified healthcare professional. Treatment includes talk therapy and the incorporation of antidepressants, depending on the severity of the condition. Akinduro, who is a board member of National Organization for People of Color Against Suicide, credits therapy, medication, and finally confronting his father with putting him on the road to recovery. It was very liberating to confront my past. In therapy I learned that it's not a moral failing or scar on your character. Jones' healing began when she saw a television interview with author Terrie Williams about her book, Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We're Not Hurting (Simon & Schuster; $25). Today, Jones is executive director of the Stay Strong Foundation, a New York-based nonprofit that Williams co-founded offering mental health and mentoring programs. As we treat depressed individuals, we also have to treat the community in order to address the larger issues that are affecting our environment, advises Newton. Anything less is a Band-Aid.

Getting Help for Depression

Every year about 14 million Americans suffer from some type of depressive illness and according to several reports, blacks are particularly at risk. Here's a list of resources for those at risk or battling a depressive disorder.

National Organization of People of Color Against Suicide works to increase suicide awareness within minority communities and seeks to educate individuals about prevention and intervention, as well a

The National Institute of Mental Health works to broaden understanding and treatment of mental illnesses through research and thereby facilitate prevention, recovery, and a cure.